Part 4 Self - Dependency

Lord do I have a tendency to do things alone without your help and guidance? I know the answer before asking the question.

Ever try to witness to someone without asking the Lord for help & guidance? Guilty.

Ever promise the Lord that you will do this and you won't do that and then reverse the order by not doing what you said you would do, and doing the things you said you would not do? Again Guilty.

Do you go ahead and try things that you know in your heart, in your very spirit the Lord is telling you, or has told you, not to do? Once more guilty.

I would love to say these types of self-dependencies have only been one-off occurrences in my life, but sad to say I am a very very slow learner and have repeated this pattern many times.
When I was growing up during my childhood, the biggest fear I had was not meeting what I believed to be my parents expectations. Expectations of academic success, expectations of attaining the same success as my brother, expectations of 'being a somebody'.

Looking back I am now convinced that these expectations were mostly in my own mind, but as a child when you know that you haven't the ability, either academically, or physically to attain certain objectives, and you so want to please your parents or loved ones, then to succeed you have to rely on your wits and become a master of illusion. The picture of a swan calmly moving on the surface of the water, while below the water the feet are frantically paddling away to keep afloat best illustrates the feelings I had at that time.
I became very dependent upon my own ability, I could not admit I needed help. I had to become self-dependent.

When the Lord saved me I knew that he wanted all of me. He wanted me to depend upon him for my life, for my future, for my very existence. I am still in this moulding process. I still have a tendency to hold onto the 'old man' and I still have a tendency to do things in my own strength but I am never failed by the Lord's love and forgiveness.
So it comes down to dying to self. (Everyday)

"Come unto me all you who are labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest". Matthew 11:28

Finally........... a thought for to-day

God gives strength in proportion to the strain